Thou Unnecessary Letter

Dear Tom, Libby, and Matthew,

 I recently received an invitation to attend a Town Hall with MPs from my riding and the riding next door (Matthew Kellway and Craig Scott), as well as Libby, pertaining to heath care.

The invitation outlined two NDP strategies that will purportedly help ease the pressure on Canada’s health care system, while ensuring that Canadians receive the care they need:

·      Ensuring that Canadians have access to extended compassionate-care benefits through E.I., and

·      Some nonsense about a forgivable loan so that Canadians can make additions to their homes in order to accommodate relatives who need long-term care.

commodorified

1. On entering Government House it is customary to ring the bell once then open the front door and walk right in. The habit of pushing the door ajar and creeping in on all fours cannot be recommended, as it is calculated to give the orderly on duty the impression that you have designs upon the umbrella stand, and that your intentions towards the hat rack are not strictly honourable.
2. On registering in the visitor's book, you are expected to write your name distinctly, and, if possible, spell it correctly.
3. It has so often been asked how much guests at Government House are expected to eat. We assure our readers that all guests at Rideau Hall will be bitterly disappointing their hosts if they do not consume more food than is good for them. It is not, however, usual to take anything away from the supper table in one's pockets, except of course an occasional bun or an orange, to assuage the pangs of hunger on the way home.
4. When entering a private room, it is considered correct to knock first with the second joint of the first finger of the right hand, but in the case of a reception or sitting room, it is generally sufficient to cough outside the door and shuffle one's feet upon the mat before intruding, though the custom of having a little difficulty with the door handle is not to be condemned.
5. On receiving an invitation to attend a social function at Government House, it is considered good for to send a reply within the month, and the practice of telephoning at the last moment to say that you are not coming is one that cannot be too strongly discouraged.